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Art and Acting Out

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While meditating I had a what at that exact moment felt like a massively important insight.

“The more that I practice my art (or even the act of trying to find my art), the less I act out.”

The more that you live in the present moment, the more at you become one with the universe. And acting out (pick your poison: drugs, alcohol, abuse, cheating, porn, etc.) is not living consciously. These are not compatible concepts or actions. You cannot be fully present while drinking yourself into a coma. You cannot be living a conscious life while cheating on your spouse.

Instead, search for your art and practice it. It doesn’t matter if your art is playing with your kids, or making dinner together, or painting or making a movie. So long as it’s honest and true art you’ll be fully present while practicing.

And that may be what living is actually all about.

Impermanence

Impermanence

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Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Tara Brach talking about the impermanence of life. This theme continues to come up, in songs, and books and it seems, everywhere. With my quickly evolving skill of “pay attention dumbass,” I started to pay attention. The song “Live Like You Were Dying” came on the radio. A book I’m reading called “A Short History of Nearly Everything” by Bill Bryson repeatedly points out the changing nature of earth and the insignificance amount of time of humans have been wandering around upright.

Impermanence is at the core of our nature – it’s fundamentally human. No one is immune from our shared and ultimate fate and nothing any human being can do will be remembered more than a few generations. In the context of personal accountability, it is critical that we find ways of living in the present moment. Personally, I think that I finally understand that the journey is the destination and that any destination I choose can only disappoint me in the end – the destination isn’t the point. It’s the getting there part that matters. It’s a fucking head-spinner, I know.

“It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Meanwhile, I continually search for what to do about all this. Meditation is great, but the application of being present in a given moment is still a bit of a mystery to me. At a certain age (or maturity), the idea of impermanence becomes tangible and I’ve reached it. I can see through the fog a little bit and am asking myself what it is that I want to accomplish in life.

Impermanence is scary, right?

Right now I’m all about trying to answer the question “What is Your Art?” I’m in a death match with my resistance to figure out the answer, or even a hint of which direction to run in.

I just picked up a copy of the “War of Art” by Pressfield which is giving me some critical tools and knowledge about understanding “The Resistance” a bit better. Now that I know in part what’s blocking me (fear, as per usual), I can do something about it.

I’m not trying to become immortal or change the world, I’m just trying to live in the moment and understand myself a bit better because I know that sooner, rather than later I’ll be gone. My clock is ticking and so is yours so get to it.

Bruce Lee Fight the Resistance

How to Identify and Fight the Resistance

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You know that voice in your head, the one that says you are an idiot. Or a fool. Or a talentless hack? That goddamn voice that won’t leave you alone and won’t let you wake up from your dreary, depressed life? Yea that one. I want to talk about that voice.

I first learned about “The Resistance” from Seth Godin’s popular blog years ago. He didn’t coin the term, that was Steven Pressfield who describes the the never-ending irrationality of human behavior as “The Resistance.

“The Resistance” is the voice in the back of our head telling us to back off, be careful, go slow, compromise. The resistance is writer’s block and putting jitters and every project that ever shipped late because people couldn’t stay on the same page long enough to get something out the door.

I’m in an daily, hourly, regular battle with “The Resistance.” It’s especially acute when I am tackling any sort of creative endeavor. For instance, when I started to learn to play guitar I got the basics down but then got stuck on some advanced chords and gave up. The Resistance won. I haven’t touched my guitar in months.

Last November, I started (and completed!) a Nanowrimo Novel – some 50,000 words in 30 days. It was a huge win. But when I sit down to edit it, all I can hear is a voice in my head saying that it sucks. And not to share it with anyone. Goddamn resistance.

Most recently, I diverted my attention by writing a screenplay for a podcast/show idea I had and while I did finish it, I think I’m too scared to try to produce it. “The Resistance” is winning.

They say that giving a scary thing a  name takes away it’s power. Ok then “The Resistance.” Consider yourself named.

How to Identify “The Resistance”

It’s pretty easy to identify “The Resistance.” Like I said, it tends to be the negative nelly voice in your head whispering and sometimes shouting that you suck. Personally, it is especially powerful when it comes to purely artistic pursuits. In my professional work I seem to have it tamed for some reason. Perhaps because I’ve been working in my field for some 20 years I’ve simply bored “The Resistance” into submission. But when it comes to creative or artistic pursuits, “The Resistance” comes roaring back with doubts, self-mocking and defeatist thoughts.

I can draw it out immediately by telling myself how much I like and love myself. There it is. As I was typing that sentence I could feel “The Resistance” spring into action. As if loving myself were a bad thing. What an asshole “The Resistance” can be.

Can you identify your resistance? Do you know how to trigger it?

How to Beat “The Resistance”

So now that you’ve identified “The Resistance,” it’s time to build some muscles to beat it. It’s tricky for sure, but here are 3 techniques I’ve been using lately.

First, get it out of your head. Write it down. Draw it. This blog for instance is one of my bullets. I took a long hiatus from blogging but I’m back, with the intent to publish content and observations about my own search. Since I have so few readers, the resistance can’t really get ahold of me here. Maybe one day it will matter, but right now, I’m basically talking to myself. The blog is one step better than my private, personal journal because it’s public.

Second, give yourself a major fucking break. My intent isn’t to become some sort of screenwriter, or guitarist, it’s simply to find my art and my creativity. Something I lost years ago in the transom and daily rig-a-ma-role of life. If I want to draw a silly picture of a tree, or try to copy a Warhol, I’m gonna do it.

Third, tell the resistance to fuck off. I can’t explain it and your mileage may vary, but when I feel “The Resistance” and have the ability to look at it and tell it to fuck off, it makes me feel really great about myself. This is analogous to the  useful “Fake it til you make it” mantra I’ve managed use so effectively to combat imposter syndrome which can be quite significant at times. I’ve come to realize recently that imposter syndrome is just “The Resistance” in a costume.

Over the past 30 days or so I’ve employed these tactics with some success. I’ve recently shared a draft of my screenplay with several friends and family and gotten good feedback. I’ve started sketching and drawing and sharing my art on different websites with friends and the community. I’ve started to give myself a break and am actively practicing telling “The Resistance” to fuck off.

Does this post resonate with you? Are you fighting your own resistance or is it winning? Let me know, I’m curious.

Daily Affirmations

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I’ve been talking to a few people lately about daily or weekly affirmations. It’s a terrific process that has given me another opportunity to get to know myself.

I typically do “morning pages” for 10 minutes a day and end with my affirmation list. My process is that I copy and paste it into the daily journal entry (I use Evernote) and read them to myself. Then, I simply let myself feel how strong or how little i feel resistance to each one.

As I do that, I try to spend a few seconds exploring the resistance a bit – what is it objecting to, how strong is it etc. I wrap up by giving myself an overall rating between 1 and 5. A 5 rating means I feel amazing, while 1, or once in a while, 0 is not good.

This list evolved over about a 2 year period and is about 50% different than when i first started. Glancing back, I’ve had a few <2 days and a few more >4.5 days. Most of the time, it’s low 4’s. I had one meltdown a few month ago where I gave myself a -1 million, and then wrote down every curse word I could think of. That helped.

Here’s my list. It’s personal and I realize you may not share any of these with me.

  • I deserve a rewarding creative life.
  • I am genuinely talented.
  • Creativity is the creator’s will for me.
  • My creativity heals myself and others.
  • My creativity leads me to forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
  • I am willing to use my creative talents.
  • All I need is within me now.
  • I am grateful for my health, for my family, my friends and for this world.
  • My creativity flows from being present every day.
  • I am not alone, I am loved deeply. I matter.

The resistance is pretty strong as I write this post and read my affirmations. In particular, the resistance is really fighting me on “I’m genuinely talented.” I feel right now like I am a fraud, that these blog posts are total bullshit and that I should delete this post. But I know better and even though the resistance is here, yelling in my head, this post will be published. Fuck you resistance.

What is Your Art?

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If I asked you the question in the broadest sense “What is your art?” How would you answer?

As background, here is context from Seth Godin, an incredible writer and terrific thinker.

As for me, I am deeply struggling with answering this question. As Godin points out in the link above:

“Art is a human act, a generous contribution, something that might not work, and it is intended to change the recipient for the better, often causing a connection to happen.”

So while the answer for you might be painting or playing the piano, for me the answer isn’t “creative art” but something … else. Godin’s post ends by identifying the most difficult part, which is where I am:

“The most difficult part might be in choosing whether you want to make art at all, and committing to what it requires of you.”
I asked this question to several friends and on Reddit. The answers were fascinating:
  • Optimism and joy
  • Helping others gain knowledge that makes them better at what they do
  • Being a storyteller
  • Teaching teenagers
  • Creator of knowledge
  • Seeing the good in people
  • Be kinder than necessary

I was blown away that people had ready answers and that they were willing to share. I am spending a lot of time considering my own answer but haven’t hit on it yet. I refuse to believe that I’m not willing to commit to my art, I much prefer to think that I just haven’t found it yet.

What is your art?