While meditating I had a what at that exact moment felt like a massively important insight.
“The more that I practice my art (or even the act of trying to find my art), the less I act out.”
The more that you live in the present moment, the more at you become one with the universe. And acting out (pick your poison: drugs, alcohol, abuse, cheating, porn, etc.) is not living consciously. These are not compatible concepts or actions. You cannot be fully present while drinking yourself into a coma. You cannot be living a conscious life while cheating on your spouse.
Instead, search for your art and practice it. It doesn’t matter if your art is playing with your kids, or making dinner together, or painting or making a movie. So long as it’s honest and true art you’ll be fully present while practicing.
And that may be what living is actually all about.