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Dissolving The Ego

searchingforsumthin 1 Comment

Every year, I like to pick a “word” of the year. The word I select is a touchstone and a reminder of what is most important and represents an overriding goal I’ve set for myself and for my life. This year, that word is “ego.”

Each morning, after I meditate, I open the notes app on my phone and read from a document called Morning Ritual.

Dissolving the ego is the single most important thing I can do this year.

When I see those words each morning, I’m reminded of my tendency to be selfish and to cater to my small self.

Remembering to dissolve, and ultimately kill my ego is my path to my big, generous self. The one who remains present in times of crisis, and stress.

It’s unclear why my ego is such a problem, and for decades it ran unchecked, in control. But no more! No longer does my ego drive the ship. Sure, I’m not perfect, and sure, sometimes I slip into old patterns. But day by day, with the help of the word of the year, I shed a little more of my small self, and unlock my big self.

Life is pain

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Mr. Rogers once said “There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.” This has never been more true than during life with coronavirus.

As I think about my own journey, this quote brings me a deep sense of satisfaction, and understanding about my own anxiety in my own life. It helps me reframe my concerns about my job, my family, money, my health, your health, and life as we knew it.

The recurring theme for me in my own experience is the concept of impermanence. As I’ve learned from reading the Stoics and other gurus, I’ve come to understand that the phrase “this too shall” pass is a critical one to understanding and managing my sense of self and my life.

It’s a constant battle to manage feelings of hopelessness and change all around us. I try not to watch the news, I read fiction, and I stay busy at work. But somehow it’s not enough. Somehow, this feels even bigger than anything I’ve experienced before. It feels like the entire world is shifting In a way that I don’t completely understand yet.

So I feel as if all I can do is think about how everything is impermanent. How everything will change. How one day all of this will be gone. Just as it’s always been, and is a shop and as it shall always be.

Building on Mr. Rogers Epicurious once said: “Pain is never unbearable or unending, so you can remember these limits and not add to that in your imagination.” Yet again, I am to understand and I must embrace my pain and my anxiety in order to survive.

Our universe and everything in it are indeed impermanent. Things, (everything), comes and goes. I will be gone, you will be gone. The universe itself will one day be gone.

Trying to escape is not the right strategy, it is just fooling yourself. Today, as every day, the challenge is to be present. To embrace impermanence is to embrace our lives, and to embrace our moments here together. Stay well, be well. Be present.

Stay Calm During Coronavirus

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For someone with anxiety, life during COVID-19 can be downright challenging. Staying calm is critical for both your sanity and for those around you, especially if you are quarantined.

I truly believe my meditation practice is paying off. I use Sam Harris Wakingup app, but can also happily recommend Tara Brach’s podcast as well as Headspace. I’ve tried them all and just simply prefer Wakingup since there is a new, daily meditation.

The other thing I’ve done is to study the Stoics. I read The Daily Stoic email newsletter which provides a terrific foundation and reminders as to how to think, act and lead during these challenging times.

Outside of that, here are some of the things I’ve tried to do to remain calm:

  • Limit the amount of news I read or watch.
  • Stay off Twitter.
  • Go for a walk or exercise every day for at least 10 or 15 minutes.
  • Read for a few minutes every night before bed.
  • Forgive myself for eating an extra piece of chocolate or a bag of chips.
  • Remind myself that this too shall pass.

Staying calm during Coronavirus is hard, but doable. What are you doing to stay calm?

Reacting without thinking is insane

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It’s kind of funny that once you really start paying attention to yourself, you see all sorts of shit. I was flying high yesterday, feeling so good. Today not so much. I’m low. Annoyed. Good weather… bad weather – it just comes and goes. It’s comical to sit back and realize how insane I am in reacting to any of it. Reacting to my thoughts without realizing they are just thoughts is insane.

For a lot more on this, read about RAIN from Tara Brach.

Flashes of Insight – 2020 edition

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For a few years now I’ve been documenting what I call “flashes of insight” in my notes app. Re-reading them just now made me think I should share them. So.. I present you with my a list of insights and quotes from 2020.

Some of these are self-explanatory, while others may confuse you out of context. I’ve notated the source where possible, and the dates reflect the day I recorded the insight.

12/26/2019

There is no past and no future; no one has ever entered those two imaginary kingdoms. There is only the present.

Tolestoy

12/22/19

The most courageous decision that you can make each day is to be in a good mood.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Voltaire and Rilke, respectively

12/20/19

And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.

― Kurt Vonnegut From A Man Without a Country

12/17/19

Give up the War

Sam Harris

12/11/19

Poker face. Accept. Be.

Get rid of shit you don’t need.

Let go. completely.

This egolessness, which is the key to being authentic is a battle.

Garry Shandling

11/26/19

You can’t teach tenacity

Sam Hollander 

11/14/19

There are two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. And the other is as if everything is a miracle.  

Einstein – Neri Oxman’s favorite quote – from Abstract on Netflix

10/29/19

A well-flowing life is when we wish for what is going to happen not what we want to happen  

Epictetus

10/16/19

The Straightforward and good person should be like a smelly goat — you know when they are in the room with you

Marcus Aurelius

10/1/19

While pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice – everything is fucked.

Mark Manson

9/21/19

That being so, so what

Jerry Colonna – Reboot

9/21/19

What makes all of life complicated, and not just hard, is this unwillingness to do the work that’s ours to do her unwillingness to live the examined life.

Jerry Colonna – Reboot

9/18/19

What if being lost is part of the path? Reboot

Jerry Colonna – Reboot

9/16/19

Don’t mistake motion for meaning

Jerry Colonna – Reboot

6/21 

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.

Anne Lamott

6/15/19

Three pillars of happiness: regular exercise, mediation, and constant pursuit of purpose.

Bob Weir – GQ article

6/2/19

Life ultimately means taking responsibility to find the right answers to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for the individual

Viktor Frankl – Man’s search for Meaning.

5/28/19

There is only one thing i dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings

Dostoevski

2/17/19

Comparison is death

Liz Gilbert Magic Lessons Podcast 

2/6/19

It just doesn’t matter

Tripper from Meatballs (Bill Murray)

1/28/19

The vitality in life is staying a verb

Mark Rohn? Poet on magic lessons podcast  – unsure

1/16/19

If we don’t discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us.

William Feather

1/10/19

Any talent you do not use becomes a burden

Liz Gilbert